Dating as a Black Queer Person Part I

Welcome to Part One of our brand‑new episode on Who Gave Us the Mic?!, where four Black queer voices and 1 Black Women come together to unpack the beautiful, chaotic, hilarious world of modern dating. This time, we’re diving deep into what it really means to date as a Black queer person — the apps, the expectations, the stereotypes, the locations, the race dynamics, and the foolishness in between.

Our dynamic cast brings five completely different perspectives to the table:

• 1 married king who escaped the trenches
• 2 boo’d‑up lovers who remember the streets a little too well
• 1 single‑but‑dating professionals who are outside respectfully
• 1 Divorced and Aggressively sing who won't be played with

Together, they break down everything from dating app disasters to unrealistic expectations, from queer stereotypes to the unique challenges Black queer folks face in different cities. And of course, our one Black woman brings the balance, the clarity, and the “y’all sound ridiculous” commentary we all need.

Expect humor, honesty, vulnerability, and a whole lot of “I know you lying.”
Expect stories that will have you screaming, nodding, and texting your group chat.
Expect a conversation that feels like family — loud, loving, and real.

This is Part One… and trust us, we’re just getting started.

Transcript

SPEAKER_06 0:03

What's up everybody, and welcome to part one of our brand new episode of Who Gave Us the Mike? We're so glad you're here with us because today, baby, we're diving deep into the wild, hilarious, complicated world of dating as a black queer person. And trust me, this cast right here, we've got stories and information for you for days. Now, before we get into the chaos, let's give a little backstory on our dynamic, talented, and beautiful, messy group of voices who makes this show what it is. We've got one of us who is happily married, two of us who are locked in and booed up, one of us who is single but dating outside, respectfully, but outside nonetheless, and for our special guest, she is divorced and aggressively single. So you already know the perceptives are about to be all over the place in the best way. This episode is all about honesty, humor, and real conversations from real people. We're talking about dating apps, expectations, stereotypes, location, race, and everything in between. And every voice at this table matters. Every story adds something, every perceptive brings a new layer. That's what makes this group special. So settle in, laugh with us, learn with us, and maybe even drag your own dating history a little bit. Because this is part one, and we're just getting started. Let's get into it. As if you're doing splits and stuff. Okay, okay. And before we get to my somebody's situationship, let's introduce the people behind these mics and all this chatter. First up, we're gonna have Mr. Azari introduce himself. Why is it always we?

SPEAKER_07 3:11

I knew you don't say that. Pressed up to the plate. It's Azari, the Quirdo himself. Um, I am I'm single, uh, but dating. Um dating fact um, I've been catfish a lot. There you go.

SPEAKER_06 3:33

So you just go leave it at that. So we we we get no context clues all about later, later, later.

SPEAKER_07 3:40

Later. They got to stick around. You can't give it to them all in the first go round.

SPEAKER_06 3:44

Okay. So so what's the boundary that you're setting for these catfishes?

SPEAKER_07 3:48

Uh, I don't deal with them no more. No, no, no. We've had to we've had to.

SPEAKER_06 3:53

Your new boundaries is no catfish, then.

SPEAKER_07 3:56

We've we've had to stop, we've had to stop catfishing, so therefore I tend to catch trouts now. Anyway, but uh boundary. Communication. Nowadays, there's no reason why you can't talk to somebody about something. Like, even if it's hard to express it, it it's there's a way to talk to somebody. So facts, facts, facts.

SPEAKER_06 4:21

Okay, everybody, that was Azari behind the mic, one of our hosts today. Next up, we have the little ball of whatever you want to be today. Chaos. Introduce yourself.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

Listen, I see chaos. I am the sweetest, kindest person you'll ever meet. Okay. Um, relationship status. I am newly married. Uh, we celebrate in a year in like four months, so there's that. Love it. Um what fade one funny dating fact? I don't know if I really have one. Um, yeah, no, I don't got that. But a boundary I'm willing to set this year um is say what you mean to mean what you say. I I don't like that beating around in the bush. I say that to everyone I communicate with. Don't sugarcoat it for me. Tell me what you mean, stand on it, and then even if there is a conflict by it, that's great. Okay, we can get through it. But yes, stand on business.

SPEAKER_04 5:25

It's my business, okay.

SPEAKER_07 5:26

Y'all stop his thug stuff. I like it.

SPEAKER_05 5:30

Don't get under his skin. That's why it's called chaos now.

SPEAKER_06 5:34

All right, that was chaos, y'all. Again, next up, we have our nice, beautiful Volumis friend here, Mr. Icy Notes. Introduce yourself.

SPEAKER_09 5:46

Finally. Yes, I'm back from out of space. Oh, well, if y'all don't know, now you know it's Icy Notes. I am currently in a relationship. I will uh it's it's a whole lot of ups and a whole lot of downs.

SPEAKER_07 6:10

I was about to say you sound a little reluctant. More downs.

SPEAKER_09 6:15

It's a lot of ups and downs. But at the end of the day, we come back. So um, any boundaries? Uh you know, after being a relationship for what has been almost what two years now, I don't think there's too many more boundaries we can't cross.

SPEAKER_04 6:34

That's a thing I've shaved.

SPEAKER_06 6:36

Oh wow. What was one boundary possibly that uh maybe that wasn't crossed before y'all got together?

SPEAKER_09 6:44

I would say beforehand was, and this it wasn't just for for him, this is for uh anybody who I talked to. It was just don't waste my time. Please don't waste my time.

SPEAKER_06 6:56

Time wasted is something you cannot get back.

SPEAKER_09 6:58

No, you can't. Especially because we owed. Piss me off more than anything is if you sit sit up in my face and waste my damn time for no reason.

SPEAKER_03 7:08

Yeah. Facts.

SPEAKER_09 7:10

Is that you wanna go, baby?

SPEAKER_03 7:13

Go ahead and walk out the door.

SPEAKER_06 7:18

Okay, y'all. That was icy notes. We knew this song. Now y'all see why we call them icy notes.

SPEAKER_07 7:25

At the record show, it only took him four minutes to bust a note.

SPEAKER_09 7:29

Hey, y'all didn't give me the first recording. You got me now.

SPEAKER_06 7:35

All right, as you guys are in, I am your host, going to be moderating today's episode. My name is King Leo. I am currently in a relationship. Um, yes, like Mr. Icy know said, a lot of ups and downs, a lot of ups and downs, but we're here, we're making it, we're pushing through. Um, as far as a boundary, you know, my biggest boundary was if you're gonna come into my life, come into my life with a purpose, not just want me to do for you. I'm I'm nobody's sugar daddy, I'm nobody's uh support system as far as financially. If you want to be with me, bring your own shit because I ain't got it for you. And that's when I'll be seen on the first 48.

SPEAKER_07 8:32

Now, can you not do that? I'm trying to turn my life around. I'm too old to be out there, look for the shaking ass, talking about come out, y'all. My friend needs this.

SPEAKER_01 8:44

That's why you gotta find friends with pig farms.

SPEAKER_06 8:49

They need to have a uh daddy something. Daddy done passed something from somebody, something with inheritance. That's we need to hide friends with inheritance. But you guys, that um with that being said, we have a special guest with us today. She is going to give us a different perspective from what we can give. She's going to give us a couple different sides. Just want to give her the floor and introduce Auntie Coco and let her tell you a little bit about herself.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

Hey y'all, I'm Auntie Coco. Um, my relationship status is divorced and aggressively single. Aggressively single. Um, one, I don't even know if it's a necessarily a funny date. In fact, I mean it is now that it's over, but I've been stalked a lot after the fact of relationships, of more than one, you know, you know, ex-husband included, which is why he is where he is. Um boundary that I've been enforcing. Like I said, I'm not actively dating. Um, I'm a single mom of three kids. So my focus is just making sure their life is good and you know, raising them to be, you know, fully functioning and just great people into this world, you know, because we we like that a lot, you know, given the times that are occurring. But I could say learning from my failed marriage, um, because even failures are lessons, just knowing that you can't love someone enough into changing or wanting to do better, they have to want that for themselves. Yes, like love is just loving somebody and hoping they, you know, they they that your love can heal them is never enough. They have to want that for themselves, and you know, and some people don't want to be better, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_06 10:51

But if you don't want to be better, you ain't about to be with me.

SPEAKER_01 10:54

That part, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 10:57

There are plenty of people out there that don't want to be better either.

SPEAKER_06 11:01

There's a lot of them, a lot of them, but then you the one that's uh wrong. Oh, yeah, okay. Of course. Why would you be right?

SPEAKER_01 11:10

Child, leave at the first red flag. That that's why I stopped talking. I don't think I've even made it past the talking phase with anybody.

SPEAKER_07 11:18

Isn't that what chaos told me a few weeks ago? He said that's a red flag.

SPEAKER_01 11:22

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_09 11:33

If y'all don't know, he did, he gave me the finger. There you go.

SPEAKER_06 11:41

Alright, so we're gonna do a little game here. So I'm gonna ask y'all a question, and I want everybody to answer this question. We're gonna start with anti-coco in this first one, and I just want everybody to answer the question. We'll go around the room, everybody can speak on it, but it's called before real. So, let's be for real. Have you ever ignored a red flag because they were fine, like just just sexy as hell? So you ignored the red flag? Let's start with you, Auntie Coco.

SPEAKER_01 12:15

Just based on looks, no. Um, after talking to them, if we first vibe and then uh something pops up, and it's like, uh, well, let me just keep talking to them and see where it goes, because you know everybody has their off moments, and that's why the new boundary is now first red flag, I'm out.

SPEAKER_04 12:32

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 12:36

How about you, Chaos?

SPEAKER_00 12:39

I I I would second that. Um, I don't have time to be wasting. I mean, I'm a married man now, but like previously, oh yeah, no. I've I've had one relationship because how to put up with BS.

SPEAKER_06 12:53

I can vouch for that. I can vouch for that. All right, what about you, Mr. Icy Notes?

SPEAKER_09 13:00

Well, describe uh ignore because you know what ignore mean. You went to grade school. No, there's a there's a there's a gray area in there somewhere, and I think I was fiddling with that for the past 15 years. God damn. Oh, well, he said them flags look a little pink. I put it like this. The flags were there, and I knew they were there, but see, I didn't get in a relationship with them. We just had fun. That was it.

SPEAKER_06 13:36

No, so we're talking about okay, you're talking about getting because the because the flag is still red, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 13:42

It's still red, and I'm very aware.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

You said that flag was yellow. Proceed with caution. It was blood orange.

SPEAKER_09 13:51

You should have heated, it's worthy. Right. Not to get nothing committed with that per those people. But we can still have fun.

SPEAKER_06 14:05

All right, we're gonna go ahead now. Let's jump to you, Mr. Azari. Uh no the hell we not. Oh, we definitely coming to you because I didn't know you didn't ignore a cup of red flags. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_07 14:15

You was you were one of them.

SPEAKER_09 14:19

I mean, if that's how you want to put it, but I'm the one that's still around.

SPEAKER_07 14:25

Well that tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

He's wearing a red shirt, too.

SPEAKER_07 14:28

Right. I don't know. Look, walk walking red flag. His favorite color is red. Cause to think of it. It really is. Yep. Just want to say, I'm glad we got the focus off me. Thank you, Ati Coco.

SPEAKER_01 14:43

Nah, you gotta answer that one because you know I know how you ignore red flags. I'll be the first one to tell you it's a red flag.

SPEAKER_07 14:48

You are get her off in here. I don't know why I thought this was a good idea.

SPEAKER_03 14:52

Hold on, hold on. You invited her. Yes, I yes, I have.

SPEAKER_07 14:55

Okay, I'm a patient, I'm a patient Negro. Okay, I'm sorry. As I've gotten into my 30s, no, I don't. Not as much anymore. Y'all gonna leave me to have a little shit. I can stand by my bad decisions. All of them. All of them.

SPEAKER_06 15:10

I mean, see, you make it worse for yourself. We wasn't gonna go that deep, but you taking it deep.

SPEAKER_07 15:16

I mean, y'all, y'all gonna call me out on here, but let the folks hear it. I stand by my bad decisions. I don't make them.

SPEAKER_06 15:21

I mean, listen, and and coming to me, I yes, I have. I have ignored red flags. Um, yes, you have, and um, I do I regret any of them? No, because it was lessons learned. I do Mr. Blessings.

SPEAKER_07 15:38

I could have just skipped r at least.

SPEAKER_06 15:41

So anyways.

SPEAKER_07 15:46

So no, because if I say his name, he gonna pop up like middle, just like Auntie Kaka said in this one doesn't mean. You gotta say it. Yeah, but ain't no ain't nobody got time for that troll with Lion.

SPEAKER_05 16:04

How many times have you said it today?

SPEAKER_07 16:06

Huh?

SPEAKER_06 16:06

How many times have you said it today?

SPEAKER_07 16:09

I ain't said it once in like the last eight years. I think I'd have saved up a few.

SPEAKER_06 16:14

I don't I don't think they um what they say, I don't think they roll over. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_07 16:20

If it's off a cliff, can I be so lucky?

SPEAKER_09 16:24

Dang, we're about to go off a cliff.

SPEAKER_07 16:27

You know that raggedy thing with locks.

SPEAKER_09 16:31

Uh which one?

SPEAKER_07 16:34

You are which one? That's where since he got him somebody for two years, he tried to act like I don't remember his bad decisions.

SPEAKER_03 16:46

I didn't say I ain't need to really you should be whatever, moving on. Yes. Next question. Damn.

SPEAKER_06 17:03

Okay. So now the next one I'm gonna ask y'all is, and I I want y'all to be be for real, and I'm I'm gonna leave with it because we all know I did this. Have you ever said you were done and then spun the block? Yep, doing it right now.

SPEAKER_04 17:23

We know that, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 17:26

Right now, that I was done, and I'm right back with them again. So, you know, yes, yeah, yes, I have. I mean, it's all I can say because y'all already know. Okay, only person that don't know on this car is probably anti-coco, but the rest of y'all phone near girls know. Yes, that's why I'm gonna go.

SPEAKER_03 17:42

I was gonna say something a couple times previously.

SPEAKER_06 17:45

If you try to say no, a couple times with the same person. So I was about to say I'd be like, let the evidence walk into the group. He ain't here today, so he ain't gonna walk in here. No, we call it. He was he was hungry.

SPEAKER_09 17:59

He's gonna summon him the same way CJ's gonna summon his. That's what I'm saying with.

SPEAKER_06 18:06

But since you want to keep blapping your jaws, Mr. Azari, how about you? Nope.

SPEAKER_07 18:13

Well, not for a relationship. I have to have fun.

SPEAKER_04 18:18

Huh?

SPEAKER_07 18:19

Okay, like, wait a second now. Who have I gotten back in a relationship with? Uh oh shit, time. Okay. I'm about to say, We still okay, hold on though, because we still ended up being friends today and that that was I so that that ultimately worked out. I think it was just one of those situations where you try to force a relationship where it's not gonna work because it was meant to be a friendship. Right. So I don't regret that. I think if I hadn't done that, I think we would have lost contact, and I think that would have that would have bothered me more. So I'm okay with that.

unknown 18:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 18:59

I see Coco, you gonna let it stop, stop with the like I love it. I don't gotta stop.

SPEAKER_01 19:04

Look, I don't gotta stop with that. Okay, for me, outside of my ex-husband, and that's not since we've been divorced, like when um and it before him, like I anybody that has dated me past could will tell you I am if I leave, I am done. There is no second chance. You can try it, but it's a note for me. No, I don't want to be bothered at all. No, like I said, the only the only person that I gave a second chance, and this is why we were still married, because I had left my ex-husband once and he begged me to come back. And I told him, like, uh because we are married and we have children, and I again, whole point, marriage ain't easy. It's hard work, we can work it out. But understand, if I leave again, I'm never coming back. And I left the second time, and we are where we are now. We're divorced. I ain't seen that man in years now. And he still tried to bother me, but no, I'm I'm very, very, very, very strict when it comes to that. Like, I'm I'm a firm believer, and if you can't handle me right the first time, I'm not gonna give you a chance to to fumble me a second.

SPEAKER_00 20:11

Listen, Auntie Coco giving y'all like, listen, this is game right here. Y'all need to be listening.

SPEAKER_04 20:16

Got that.

SPEAKER_07 20:18

So, where is the advice column? Like, I've been waiting on the colour.

SPEAKER_01 20:23

Oh boy, I look, I'm gonna get asked Auntie Coco up at some point.

SPEAKER_06 20:27

I was about to say Auntie Coco's corner. Let me just come and talk to her. Auntie Coco and get her some advice.

SPEAKER_07 20:32

I got y'all set up. You you you gotta have a whole bunch of African stuff, you gotta have a head wrest on, and you gotta be holding three instances in each hand, like Ericabadu.

SPEAKER_01 20:40

You know what? You better go somewhere. And the the crazy part is I got all that stuff in here already. So leave it. I know you do.

SPEAKER_07 20:45

Okay, work it out. I know you do.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

Okay, Mr. Chaos, how about you? Um, I guess technically, yes. Um, my ex, we got together, I don't know, some a while ago, or years ago, but then like we broke up that first year, and then I was kind of dating someone else, and then we were still in contact, and then we had got back together because we had stayed in contact, and then I think we ended up dating for like another, I don't know, three, four years, and then decided that you know, maybe we were kind of forcing it, it maybe wasn't like a a good pairing for us, so sure, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 21:25

So, do you regret circling back or do you feel like it was a good choice, lesson learned type thing?

SPEAKER_00 21:31

Um, I don't regret circling back. Um, I do regret not speaking up though, when I felt like maybe we had hit another point to where like it just it didn't seem like it was going where I wanted it to go. Um, but just for the sake of wanting you to be in a relationship, I think I just kind of was like, oh, we can work it out, that kind of thing. But I I wish I would have like spoken up a lot sooner than when I did in a relationship.

SPEAKER_06 22:00

I could go back. Okay, Mr. Notes. Let us hear Mr. Icy Notes. You ever circle back?

SPEAKER_09 22:10

Yes. But it it it was like it was more like an on and off again thing. Um but uh it was it was just like every time like I remember the very, very first time we did finally end it, or the the first time he broke up with me, I was devastated. And then it seemed like it lessened every time. It was like it was just like a back and forward thing. And it just like I don't know, I somehow I guarded myself more and more every time because I knew it was coming. And then that that very, very last time it happened, it was just like, all right, bye. And that was it. And I'm like, I will never ever ever do that again. And I haven't. So just uh it only took one time, not multiple. So um I can't. Do I regret it? I think towards the end I did. I definitely I felt like my time was wasted that I could have been actually dealing with someone else on a more uh like on a more serious basis. But when I look back on it now, it definitely built or at least built some it helped build some character inside of me to notice that that uh type of toxicness. Is that a word? I don't know. That toxicity. Just avoid it from here on out.

SPEAKER_06 23:42

I mean, yeah, about say I I feel like a lot of it for I think a lot of us is like, yeah, whether we did it or not, we we knew what the lesson was and we learned the lesson from whatever we chose to do. So um I feel like yeah, sometimes there there is regret, but uh as long as you learn a lesson and you learn what not to do again, I feel like it's a good thing now if you keep doing it. Like me. But I'm sure this is the last time. I'm I I know it is. I know it is. Are you sure? So I'm positive it is. Um, so yeah, I get it. So I got one more question, then we're gonna move on um to talking about dating apps. So keep that in your head. That's our next topic after this question. We're gonna be talking about them dating apps that's out there. My god. So get ready for that. But last question, be for real. Have you ever told your friends the edited version because you knew they would drag you if they knew the real truth? No, come on, chaos. I'm gonna start with you.

SPEAKER_09 24:43

No, oh no, wait, no. Icy notes. No, I tell you, I I tell any one of y'all, maybe except for Auntie Coco. I don't we don't talk as much, but uh yeah, I I I tell you if I did something wrong, or I'd like y'all let me correct me if I'm wrong. I start with that every time. Please let me know if I'm wrong because this is what happened, and this is a series of events. So, no, I don't really there's not too many times I actually hold back from what happened. I try to get at least give them a f yeah, God, why I still be trying to be fair to somebody who did me wrong. Jesus.

SPEAKER_06 25:24

Yeah, yeah. Go ahead, Chaos. I know you was ready too.

SPEAKER_00 25:30

Um, I'm gonna say yes and no. Only because as far as like dating, I'm usually pretty like, or like I guess even now my like current marriage, like I have a friend that lives in Columbus, and uh she and I talk all the time, and like I will tell her like everything straight up, like I do you as well, do you all as well, um, because I know she'll give me like an unedited, like very like very honest, and I need that now. Um back in the day when I was a little faster and I was out here in these streets, no, um, because I'm doing things I probably shouldn't have been doing. So, you know.

SPEAKER_07 26:10

A little, a little faster.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

I I wouldn't tell nobody not to not just be like, hey, I'm hanging out with a friend. Meanwhile, I didn't I'm in somebody's I'm in somebody's forest doing unquestionable questionable things.

SPEAKER_07 26:22

I'm about to say, not not not too much. No, hold on. It's allegedly allegedly icy notes gotta have it for calling out people's uh real names.

SPEAKER_06 26:30

I I was I was told about a couple of those things, so I can vouch. Allegedly a lot of those things, he did.

SPEAKER_05 26:36

He did allegedly I know a couple of those alleged things, but you know, we just gonna leave it at that. I'm not gonna say nobody's name.

SPEAKER_03 26:44

No, no, I ain't gonna say nobody's name.

SPEAKER_06 26:51

Okay, Azari, what about you? Because I know Auntie Coco by over there, she she she got us. I I I know she got something good for us, so we can feel it. I can't go for her. So go ahead, Azari.

SPEAKER_07 27:04

No, I I'm pretty straightforward, first of all, because I'm at um I say I'm an asshole. People are gonna think it's my fault. No, I don't really care. Now have I told my sister edited version, yes, because that bitch is crazy.

SPEAKER_09 27:19

And um you know she's gonna hear this, right?

SPEAKER_07 27:24

She under she under she understands her psychosis, she knows exactly why uh I don't tell her certain things because she not she not about to be having some flavor. I can see her now coming to find me talking about death pony. Wow. Like, no, no, no, leave that leave that demon with it's at. So, yes, I I'm honest with y'all because I know, well, I don't know. I'm honest with with Auntie Coco, but I I've I've thought later, like uh maybe I shouldn't have told her this because god damn it, I might have just I might have just sent her off behind some iron bars. Because I know she got a war suit hidden in a uh hidden in a big box, in a little box, wrapped up in a hanger in the back of the club. Look, when I visit, look, when I visited her first place when she first got back from uh where she used to live. Look, I swear to God, she tapped her wall two times, doop doop, and a girl fell out the uh bottom stand, like you brother.

SPEAKER_01 28:31

The shotgun wedge under the uh the futon, so when you flip it back, it'd be right there, ready to access.

SPEAKER_07 28:37

Yes. I was afraid to sit down. Like I might blow my left ass chick off coming over here to visit what miss.

SPEAKER_09 28:44

I know where I'm going when the design of your pockets happen.

SPEAKER_05 28:47

Exactly.

SPEAKER_06 28:48

Look, I just tell me all the hidden spots of what I gotta do to get rid, get them to come out, all that. I need all the information.

SPEAKER_07 28:54

And she had these attack pets, and they and it'd be still like like she got all the weapons, and she got the whole little super pets. Like she had this cat that used to just dart out at me all out the like. I swear to God, she would trick me, she would dart past my neck, you need yes, I swear to god, she would take me out if I ever did anything out of line, just out the shadows, dude. It's over with. She was guarded in that place.

SPEAKER_06 29:19

Nigga, sure, you weren't doing nothing you ain't supposed to be doing.

SPEAKER_07 29:22

Look, look. And if the girls ran out of ammo, you remember the knife with the brass knuckles on the hill?

SPEAKER_01 29:27

Yes, I do remember that. I missed that knife.

SPEAKER_06 29:30

See, look. I know some people have one of those. Memories. Memories though. Them the memories you remember. My life.

SPEAKER_03 29:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 29:48

What? Give it to us, anticoco. I know you're about to give us something good. Give it to us.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

Oh, Lord. Um, run back to question because we just started talking about my my weaponry, and then I just started having flashbacks. Listen, I'm a I'm a military veteran, so y'all, y'all, y'all gotta y'all triggering me.

SPEAKER_06 30:07

Have you ever told your friends the edited version because you knew they would drag you if they knew the truth about something?

SPEAKER_01 30:16

Nope. I am very honest about my one thing I've always stood by is I'm gonna stand by my truth, whether I'm right or wrong. Therefore, can't nobody tell no lie, can't nobody hold nothing over my head that I absolutely admit.

SPEAKER_04 30:27

So yeah.

SPEAKER_06 30:29

There it is. That's middle leam. Exactly. We have to learn that the hard way.

SPEAKER_01 30:36

Look, you can't make me feel ashamed about anything I did because I don't know everything I did. Right and wrong.

SPEAKER_06 30:41

So I tell y'all she's gonna give it to us.

SPEAKER_07 30:46

Pass around the collection plate.

SPEAKER_06 30:48

I don't know how we're gonna pass it through the screen, but I'm sure we can attach the link somewhere into this video where you guys can donate for this advice. Just saying.

SPEAKER_07 30:59

Donate to the ask RT Coco Colour.

SPEAKER_09 31:02

We don't get it. Yes. Wait, are we uh is this her backdoor pilot?

SPEAKER_01 31:09

Yeah, maybe. Let's get it, right?

SPEAKER_07 31:12

The origin story.

SPEAKER_06 31:13

Yeah. Started as a first guest on the who gave us the mic pie. All right, y'all. That's at that time. I know y'all was over here thinking. I hope. I told y'all we talk about them later. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:30

I don't remember.

SPEAKER_07 31:32

We've had side quests already, so I forgot already.

SPEAKER_04 31:35

Right.

SPEAKER_07 31:40

Well, that could be part of it. Thank you for putting more of my business out there. I don't like this. I don't like this for me.

SPEAKER_06 31:47

Okay, y'all. Let's talk about them dating apps. Like goddamn it. Are y'all y'all y'all swiping to? So let's talk about. I mean, have we all, maybe not all, but let's let's start with B O K. Have we all been on B O K or experienced B-OK, the dating app?

SPEAKER_01 32:07

I've never been.

SPEAKER_06 32:08

Who is B-OK? Where you find him at? I know who B2K is. It's a dating app called B L K. It's for for black people to go on.

SPEAKER_04 32:20

I know what a B L T is, but B L K.

SPEAKER_07 32:23

I don't want to show you how I never heard of that. We'll tell them I said hello. I don't know that.

SPEAKER_06 32:28

Well, I mean it is a very popular. It's a very popular one. Um, well it used to be when it first came out. It's been a deep web. Where did you find it? No. Go into your dating store and just type in BLK.

SPEAKER_07 32:41

Right up. See, see, with with my luck, I might type in BTK and it give me the BTK killers relatives. And then next thing you know, my ass is struck up somewhere. Absolutely not. I'm gonna let y'all have that.

SPEAKER_06 32:54

I mean, you're just trying to educate yourself. That's it. I'm trying not to die in these hard times, okay? Okay, well, then how about this one? Because I know we all heard about it. I don't know if we all got on it, but we all heard about what about Facebook dating?

SPEAKER_01 33:09

Yes. I've done that one and I'll never do it again.

SPEAKER_06 33:14

Why not? What was your experience?

SPEAKER_01 33:17

Because it especially being a woman, you are uh maybe it's I don't know y'all's experience, especially with dealing with men, you know, on you know, men dealing with men. But being as a woman, it'd be so many weirdos. Like it just no kind of tact, no kind of respect, just just weird. Just weird and and and extremely just aggressively sexual for no reason. Like, like, like I do I need to call Chris Chris Hansen? Like, are you on a registry somewhere? The way you talking to me, I ain't even responding to the first message, and you talking crazy.

SPEAKER_07 33:54

I called me. I was about to say face for face. I was about to say Facebook dating is turning into a hookup site.

SPEAKER_06 34:02

Like, it's really that's basically exactly what it is.

SPEAKER_07 34:04

That's literally what it is.

SPEAKER_06 34:06

That's literally what it is. It wasn't like that before, but that's how it is. Go for it.

SPEAKER_07 34:12

So somebody hit me up on Facebook Dating. It was a white guy. Um, why two days later was he on the Stark County app? Arrested for a violent offense. I'm like, now see.

SPEAKER_06 34:23

He was gonna be that violent offense, but you said he's a sign of loot cage that bitch. He was on his list.

SPEAKER_07 34:31

He was on his lips. Out of some of my ancestors levitated and took his ass straight up top, like this is for my mother and my father.

SPEAKER_06 34:40

They be another top right, because that ain't no coincidence that you know he hit you up and all the time, he on anything.

SPEAKER_07 34:52

You ain't about to have me defend myself, and then you call the police and be like, help me, this black man is beating on me. He's so big and so then I'm the one on the Stark County app.

SPEAKER_08 35:04

Like you came after me. I ain't never I just I defended myself, especially with these dating apps.

SPEAKER_01 35:11

Like, you just have to be so careful and in background check everything, everybody, find out where they live before. Because just because they here in Stark County or whatever county you live in doesn't mean they ain't got records elsewhere. Like you have to be so careful, and I've had that experience before where I've talked to somebody on a dating app and then I've looked them up and this motherfucker got a charge for arson. Like, you ain't about to get mad and burn my shit down. Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_06 35:39

Especially you have multiple charge. This man got like 12 domestic violence cases that go on against him. I'm no, I'm good. I'm not gonna be a 13.

SPEAKER_07 35:48

Can we like can we just normalize like more safety practices? Like, I think with other stuff that goes on, like like with prep and stuff, like people feel more free or and stuff like that. And so, like, safety in multiple aspects kind of just like goes out the window. Like, um, I'm a grown man, and I if I'm going to meet somebody, whether I've met them before or not, I've he says, I'm going here. Here's the uh here's the address, here's my location. When I couldn't get a hold of her, I see notes. Have I not text you? I think Coco, have I not texted you and say, give my sister this address? Like, and I'm a grown man, and do I feel like I can hit on myself? Yes, but shit tends to happen, and in case something happens, I need my people to know the last place y'all see me so y'all can go fuck some shit up. Or at least find my body. Please don't leave me with them people.

SPEAKER_09 36:35

I'm about to say you know we come in.

SPEAKER_06 36:40

Absolutely. Uh all right, so out of so let's let's break it down a little better. Out of all the dating apps that we have used, like which ones do you say gave like the the most false hope? Like, as far as like you would get on there and you would think like, oh, I'm gonna get on here and I'm gonna I'm gonna find this, I'm gonna find that, but you get on there and it's complete opposite of what you thought you were gonna find. Which one would you say?

SPEAKER_01 37:09

Plenty of fish. Oh, yeah. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:13

Literally all the fish. I ain't gonna lie.

SPEAKER_07 37:17

Black planet Black Planet, EGC Live.

SPEAKER_04 37:21

I'm glad to be live.

SPEAKER_07 37:24

Even though, even though I was not old enough to be on out of app stuff.

SPEAKER_06 37:30

That's where that's where I met Chris.

SPEAKER_07 37:33

No, that is. Wait, what? Really? Mm-hmm. I never knew that.

SPEAKER_01 37:41

My excess.

SPEAKER_07 37:43

BGC though. That one was probably my BGC was fun.

SPEAKER_06 37:48

I'm about to say, like it was it was still BGC was fun. That was just a fun app in itself.

SPEAKER_09 37:53

Yeah, but I did I met a lot of few a lot of people in there that's to keep in contact with now.

SPEAKER_07 37:59

Yeah, I actually will say I didn't get a lot of friends, but a lot of relationships, but I did meet some some pretty cool people that I mean, even if we've lost touch, they still cool in my book. So that was uh nice.

SPEAKER_06 38:12

Okay, so I now now what about you, Chaos?

SPEAKER_07 38:15

Wait, I was about to say, I got a question. Were you on BGC? Uh have you ever been on BGC uh Chaos?

SPEAKER_00 38:21

Um, yes, but uh remember y'all are older than I am, so um I definitely me and you are the same age, you raggedy bitch.

SPEAKER_05 38:35

I'm tired of playing with your ass.

SPEAKER_06 38:38

No, it looked like you said that ass chaos. That's why your name is Chaos.

SPEAKER_00 38:43

Um no, I was wondering I've never I don't believe I've ever talked to anybody on that though. If I'm being honest, I don't think I've learned that often.

SPEAKER_09 38:54

Well, for a long time you were dealing with a lot of white guys. Damn. Well, I was I was on the segue because I remember I met chaos off of A4A.

SPEAKER_07 39:10

I remember that I I didn't like that one. I wasn't I was I was creeped out on it. I remember how I met Chaos. You remember how I met Chaos Icy Notes? Yes, I do remember how you met wait chaos to you. That's really the raggedy ass icy notes.

SPEAKER_06 39:28

Um didn't we talk about this before last time?

SPEAKER_07 39:31

Yes, we talked about this. I ain't gonna tell the story chaos. I ain't gonna tell the story out of chaos when we tell you.

SPEAKER_06 39:39

Tell what you said. We're gonna stay on tracks. You know, we'll get lost in them weeds real quick.

SPEAKER_07 39:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 39:44

So we're gonna walk it back in. We'll make uh we'll make it for behind the scenes content. Yeah. How we all came to know the real and how we all no. I don't like that idea.

SPEAKER_07 40:01

I do, I think that'll be fun. Did you use any other apps, chaos, besides, well, the one that IC DO said you used?

SPEAKER_00 40:10

Um, I was use Craigslist.

SPEAKER_09 40:17

Um Craigslist. I did too. I was late to the game with Craigslist. And then I didn't even know they had dating at the on there until late.

SPEAKER_00 40:29

Yeah, and then maybe Jack then Grinder, but I feel like those are like very common, popular ones.

SPEAKER_07 40:35

Yeah, I realized we were a little reckless because Craigslist was definitely dangerous.

SPEAKER_06 40:41

Do you know how many people got killed? Or for me, people got killed. Craigslist killer, yeah. He was always on the DMU, King Leo.

SPEAKER_09 40:49

We gotta take it back. Don't forget them little chat logics. Yeah, phone logics.

SPEAKER_04 40:56

Yeah, true.

SPEAKER_06 40:57

That's why I said I think that might have been worse. Some of our apps are a little different than what apps y'all have nowadays because they used to try to send chat lines real quick.

SPEAKER_09 41:06

Beyond them chat lines, end up talking to people. And all you had to do was send a only you could do was send voice voice messages to people. That was it.

SPEAKER_06 41:14

Yeah, unless you went live with them and you got to talk to them live for like five minutes or three minutes or something like that. However many points or minutes you had left, that's how long you can talk to them live.

SPEAKER_07 41:23

But kept using all those same thing when people tried to be cool by playing R Smooth R B in the background when they talk. Like, I can't hear you. Can you tie that shit down a little bit? My name is D.

SPEAKER_03 41:37

And yeah, he's boying in the back. And back then he's always like hanging out. Yeah, like what?

SPEAKER_07 41:46

Let me hit you up. Well, I was like a little kid and I watched my cousin do that. Wait, what? And we was we we and we was running through the house and we fucked up her recording and she kicked us out. She put us outside.

SPEAKER_06 41:59

It was so Auntie Cubby. Other than plenty of fit, what other apps have you used?

SPEAKER_01 42:08

Um, well, I met my I actually met my ex-husband on a dating app, um, which was okay keep it. Which okay keep it wasn't bad. I got I had some decent dates off of there, and obviously, like I said, I met the motherfucking married and had kids and shit, so obviously it wasn't that bad at first. Um I've used that. We already talked about plenty of fish, Facebook dating, bumble. I kind of like bumble better. I like to find friends. I've used that to find friends before like a couple of my mom friends is how we mix, you know, have that they have that friendship feature. So I like Bumble for that. Um The infamous Tinder. Oh yeah. Oh, yes. Oh yeah. For exactly its purpose, for exactly its purpose to get your rocks off. That's it.

SPEAKER_07 42:59

I always think of that scene for Family Guy when Quagmire gets on Tinder. That's what I think of now.

SPEAKER_09 43:05

Oh, yeah, and all them different women like Lily on schedule.

SPEAKER_07 43:08

Yes, yeah, so so which one was the one you were telling me about that was safer for women? Like they have more of a selection process when they are choosing people to match with Oh my god, I know what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_01 43:25

Uh, was it his or coffee meets bagel? I can't remember. I don't know. It was one of them, but I know I can't remember that. I was on there briefly and then I got annoyed and like left the same day. Have you ever been on an app called Her? Yeah, I think that might be it. Okay. That might be it. It might be her, where it's more so based off of what, you know, the woman's um preferences and her reaching out first for communications, because again, it's a lot of weirdos and people just be Just overly sexual and no kind of home training. It's it's hard out there.

SPEAKER_06 44:09

So I think I'm sorry, but I that that that's gonna segue us right back right into my next question. But continue what you were saying, but I guess it's gonna sagulate to that next question.

SPEAKER_01 44:19

Oh, I was gonna say, I forget. That was a when I was gonna circle back to Facebook dating because I've had it where people have found my actual Facebook page and have tried to call me from Facebook Messenger. That shit is weird. Don't call people that you don't know on Facebook Messenger. That shit is weird.

SPEAKER_07 44:38

You know, I've got that in that, and I think it's because of our location and stuff. And like I've had people like, I think because we ping when we like talk or interact with some, and I've had people find me on different apps. I've had people rate me from multiple profiles, and it'd be the same. Like I've had somebody rate me on Grindr, and then they found me on Facebook Daily that wrote me there too. I think that's kind of creepy. I don't think this. That is very creepy.

SPEAKER_03 45:01

Well, ain't you such and such?

SPEAKER_06 45:03

Yeah, I mean they're searching on every profile searching for UCV on there. Like, oh, you gonna you gonna answer me on one of these? No, I'm just gonna block it.

SPEAKER_07 45:13

I had somebody actually write me and was like, oh, I'm being ignored because I hadn't answered them in like 11 messages. It's like I'm glad you understand. So can you stop writing me?

SPEAKER_06 45:21

No. Okay. So um when uh uh Antie Coca was talking about the whole sex part of it, how that's basically what they look for. Do apps, do you feel like apps make sex easy, like easier, but makes intimacy harder? So you feel like do you feel like the apps make it super easy to find sex, but it makes it hard to find that intimacy because how easy it is just to find sex?

SPEAKER_01 45:47

I would have to say for the apps, it's easier. I mean, if if that's what you're looking for and you're honest about that, it's super easy to do that. But the problem is with it being with being online, you can portray yourself to be anybody you want to be. And I think that that's the harder part with dating in general, especially if you're doing online dating, is because yeah, they portray themselves as one way just to get access to you, and then when you get to know the person, it's a completely different story as far as their intentions and stuff. And my thing is like just to be honest with people, and and I and I don't know what the thing is of where, especially where you somebody's like, Oh, I'm looking for a long-term relationship where I want this and I want that, and then you get to know them, and all they want to do is just try to lay up with you the whole time, and that's it. So it's like if you're honest about your intentions, it's not hard to find what you want, but there is such a lack of honesty, it's hard outside of, like I said, outside of just a hookup to find something genuine.

SPEAKER_04 46:49

Yeah, I I agree with that.

SPEAKER_07 46:51

I definitely agree with that true. Yeah, I could pick back off of what she said. I think it's not inherently the apps because they do have options for friends and you know getting to know people and stuff. It's a lot of what people do with it, and you know, you get the weirdos on there to come on there and do whatever. And I think it's more so the type of people that it attracts now because it is so easy to find people to have sex with, which again, like what Auntie Coco was saying, it it if that's what you're looking for, fine. There's nothing wrong with that, but there's plenty of people looking for that. Why do you need to lie to somebody and waste all that energy and shit just to for that? When you could just find somebody that wants the same shit you do.

SPEAKER_06 47:34

They're right there. Like they they say that. Like you see, mine says nothing about looking for a hookup, and yet you're hitting me up. I'm like, hey, what's up? Oh, nothing, I'm just horny. Okay. But they what they gotta do with me.

unknown 47:49

Right.

SPEAKER_09 47:49

What am I supposed to do about that? Exactly. What are you doing? And oh, that's the other thing I do not like, especially when well from being on them apps before, is you'll be offline for god knows how long, and they get a weird ass message at three in the morning. Oh, you ignored me? Excuse me? I was fucking asleep. Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 48:09

I was like, Y'all remember that?

SPEAKER_09 48:13

Don't don't keep texting and and and but bugging me told us if I ignore, like, I don't even know you.

SPEAKER_01 48:20

Right, like well, now you're blocked.

SPEAKER_07 48:25

You remember people used to tell y'all, like, I seen your online icon on, and it's like just because the damn online icon was on didn't really help us. Exactly.

SPEAKER_06 48:34

What about you, Chaos?

SPEAKER_00 48:37

Um, I think I would have to agree. I think, well, I'm gonna say yes and no. Um, because when I think about apps like Jacked and Grinder, I feel like the thought process is you're on this, you are looking to hook up, and that kind of thing like that. But when you move to other uh apps like I feel like Tinder initially, when it came out, is supposed to be for like dates, and I'm sure that's probably transitioned a little bit. Um, but you know, when you think about Facebook dating, plenty of fish, okay, cute. Um, and all that you do mumble too. I think the intent is to make it dating, and then people's uh what their bad intention to make change the uh face of the app and maybe what people perceive it as. Because if you're constantly being hit up as far as like, you know, someone wanting to like hook up and you're looking for a relationship or whatever it might be, I think yeah, I don't. I just feel like apps make it easier for people to be um I don't want to say disrespectful, but I think they'll be more likely to be like, oh hey, I just want to hook up. And it's just a it's not a face-to-face interaction, so it's easier to be like, let me be wild in your DMs, um, and try to see if I can convince you to change your mind or do what I want you to do.

SPEAKER_03 49:56

Now quit playing with me. Did you play that on the first thing? Now, why would you do that?

SPEAKER_06 50:06

I feel like it was the perfect moment for it. He was like deep it, and I was like, he's speaking truths. I had to get to hit him with that sound.

SPEAKER_04 50:14

Right. What is it?

SPEAKER_07 50:21

He's he's he's right. Look at Facebook dating. Like it started off, and especially if you were on it in the beginning, it started off relatively like a dating epic and then slowly but surely, like, here come the toxicity, and it's starting to become just like everything else. I think that's just the nature of it now. Like, inherently, with time, give it enough time, the wrong people are gonna find it and they're gonna take it. Not even the wrong people, but too much of one thing is gonna find it, and it's just gonna make it too much. And then the other people can't find what they're looking for. Or it's a little harder. I'm not gonna say can't, but it's a little harder. Especially with, you know, the creeps and the weirdos that are pretending and all this other it just it becomes a uh a I hate say it the game, but almost like that because you try to stay away from the you you try to stay away from the ghosts is Miss Pac-Man. But they forever up on your ass because no matter how far you run, you forever hitting a block. Excuse me. Let me not say that. You remind somebody who you are that's a more friendly way to say it.

SPEAKER_06 51:37

Okay, y'all. So we we got deep into those dating apps because we all know those pesky things can take us multiple different ways. So here's a little game for the dating apps. It's called red flag, yellow flag, bad branding. Again, red flag, yellow flag, or bad branding. So basically, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna read off um some uh some bio uh phases, like you know, where people say things in their bio. And what I want you guys to do, and you can just say it all together, whatnot, or we can do it one by one, is I want you um as a group, actually, let's decide if it's a red flag, a yellow flag, bad branding, even if it depends, or you know, if it's an immediate block thing. So you said what I mean by what? Bad branding? Um, elaborate, uh, Mr. Azari. You could probably elaborate good on that one.

SPEAKER_07 52:47

So basically, if it's not inherently a bad thing to say, but like the way they put it can be taken as oh, it's a little toxic. So like a maybe. Because you look so confused.

SPEAKER_04 53:00

I understand.

SPEAKER_06 53:01

Yeah, the red the red flag is definitely like hell no, like it's it's a red flag. Then you have like the yellow flag where it's like uh it's teetering on that, on that. And of course the bad branding, that's like maybe.

SPEAKER_07 53:16

I mean it's left up left up to interpretation. Yeah, yeah. No, this looks a little suspect.

SPEAKER_06 53:21

Even like I said, you do have that I'd like to fiddle in. It could be, or it could be the bad branding, or the depends, um, little little gray area where it's like, well, it's bad, but it kind of depends on like when they do it or how they do it, type thing. We all know that that shouldn't even matter. Like it should, they shouldn't be doing it, but we all have that type of thing. So I just have like five phrases I'm gonna say, and we're gonna we're gonna go through and decide like what we want to label them as. So the first one is when you're in somebody's profile and they say to you, just looking for mask only. What what what what do you guys perceive that as? Is that a red flag, a yellow flag? It depends. Like, how do you feel about that when somebody says mask only?

SPEAKER_07 54:10

Red flag. Sorry, red flag.

SPEAKER_01 54:13

I don't think I count in this one. I mean, you could you could. Um I guess if you're just identifying, because it's okay for people to have references. So I guess for me, based on my understanding, it would just be a depends.

SPEAKER_04 54:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 54:38

I would let me let me let me let me rephrase before I get canceled, because I say a red flag. Okay, so I with me, it's a thing with labels that I'm pretty sure we'll get into later. But with me, with most of the people I've seen on profiles, where it's usually mask-only accompanied with a bunch of other shit that's like, yeah, no, that's just that's just bad. That's just red flags. Like, it's accompanied by a bunch of disrespectful shit, like we're all men, let's act like it, and this and that. And it's like, that's not necessary. If you're only looking for masculine men, that's fine, but you don't need to the extraness is what makes it toxic for me. I guess.

SPEAKER_09 55:15

I see what you're saying. Like, you there's no need to be disrespectful to the other people that's on here. Right. So I guess I'm I guess it's like teetering red flag, depending on what what the context is. So would it be bad branding? Is that what that is that I guess yeah, I guess.

SPEAKER_07 55:28

Yeah, yeah. I guess so.

SPEAKER_06 55:30

I was thinking either bad branding or yellow flag. What about you, Chaos?

SPEAKER_00 55:34

It's bad branding for me.

SPEAKER_06 55:37

I think that's why I said that one definitely was teetering between like yellow flag, bad branding, or it depends, because it it kind of depends on what you follow up with that. Like, if you just put mask only, okay, that's just what you prefer. But if you say mask only, then you start going to all these details about how I don't like a guy that does this and does that, and you this and you that, I'm like, okay, now you just took it from to from one thing to a whole nother, another level. We we get it. You you like masculine men, women, whatever you like. So we get it.

SPEAKER_07 56:07

And you gotta be you gotta be careful with the only like I need some other context where you just say masculine, because I feel like some people get like they'll message them, and it's like they get the most hateful shit said to them. Not even just for mask only, but for other things. So I mean, so I mean, it's just kind of depends on who you try, I guess.

SPEAKER_06 56:31

Yeah, yeah. So, what about when somebody says no drama?

SPEAKER_01 56:38

Usually people that say no drama are the drama.

SPEAKER_06 56:41

Drama or drama.

SPEAKER_01 56:43

So that's a whole red flag.

SPEAKER_09 56:45

We made the red flag. That's why they don't they can't pick the drama because they already brought it all. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 56:52

Because if you're not a dramatic person, you're gonna have to announce that. Just be yourself and people figure that out.

SPEAKER_09 56:57

Right. Am I the drama? Is it me? Yes, you are the drama.

SPEAKER_06 57:02

Yeah, you can't find a body, that's why you gotta put no drama because you have the drama, like nobody wants that, right?

SPEAKER_07 57:10

Or you get a variation of it. Like, please, guys, let's come respectful. I'm so sick of the drama. Let's just be humans and such about the situation and walk through petals of roses and with our bare feet and some shit. I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 57:23

And then you start talking to them, and as soon as the conversation starts, you're like, oh no, you you you're the drama, bruh.

SPEAKER_07 57:28

You are the drama. I hate when they try I hate when they trauma dubbed in the first five minutes. Somebody wrote me and was like, I hate all men. And I'm like, hi, I'm a man.

SPEAKER_01 57:40

What did we do with your what? Wait, so they're there, they're on a dating site looking for men, but say I hate all men. Well, why are you here?

SPEAKER_07 57:51

That was the first message to me, too. They were like, I know, that wasn't their first message. They said hi, and I said, How was your day? And they were like, uh, I hate all men. And I'm like, well, uh Why did you hit me up?

SPEAKER_06 57:59

Why did you hit me up? I'm I'm confused. Right.

SPEAKER_07 58:03

Like, glad we had this conversation.

SPEAKER_06 58:04

You're clickbaiting. You're trying to bait a conversation out of me that I don't want to have with you. Get out my inbox. Oh, yeah, blocked easily.

SPEAKER_09 58:12

Exactly. Please move on.

SPEAKER_04 58:16

Please.

SPEAKER_07 58:17

I got you. It's crazy. I'm a little confused. I had to go look in the mirror. Like, is everything here? What happened?

SPEAKER_06 58:25

What about those super duper those plain plug profiles that it just simply says, just ax.

SPEAKER_01 58:34

A red flag, because you're probably full of bullshit. Oh no, I wait.

SPEAKER_07 58:38

I've been one of them profiles. Hold the fuck up.

SPEAKER_01 58:42

I mean, you gotta give you know at least a little okay. Well, you was a red flag. I said what I said.

SPEAKER_07 58:50

Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, no. I'm gonna defend myself.

SPEAKER_05 58:54

And I can tell you. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

SPEAKER_07 58:57

Okay, so wait. Back then, and I'm getting better about it, I still have a little trouble with it now. I don't know how to talk about myself, especially in a way that makes people want to write me. Like, I'm more so better about just you finding out things in a conversation. Then like I hate when people say, tell me about yourself. Like, I have absolutely no idea where to start because I don't like talking about myself. I I don't know. It's weird.

SPEAKER_01 59:20

That's why you just list some of your interests.

SPEAKER_07 59:24

I look, you are talking to a socially awkward person who is trying to get over that. I don't know how to like I'm getting better at it, but it's it was a struggle for a minute.

SPEAKER_01 59:35

Well, you should have just asked me, and I would have helped you with your profile.

SPEAKER_07 59:38

Look, look, look. Put the Molotov cocktails away. Look, look. I'm doing the best I can out there.

SPEAKER_06 59:49

What about you, Mr. Uh, Mr. Chaos and Icy Notes?

SPEAKER_09 59:54

They intrigue me. Um, when somebody said just ask, I actually rolled ask. Like, well, what is it? And these I get either blocked or like, well, why'd you say ask?

SPEAKER_04 1:00:06

Dang, you're asking, they just blocked you.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:11

This is wild. That's messed up. I usually assume it intriguing.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:25

I usually assume profiles like that, they're probably either newly newly gay or they DL. Because what do you mean? Just ask. Because it you you creeping or you sneaking. Because I I would have to agree with Auntie Coco. There's gotta be something. At least you read a book or something, you go for walks.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:46

So can I ask a question? So so do a lot of them come accompanied with like no profile picture? Yeah, I'm not sure. I feel like a lot of them don't don't. They're like really blank, they only have a picture up, so that's probably true.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:56

That are torsos.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:57

I was on the wrong side of history.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:59

Most of them are most of them are blank profiles.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:02

Okay. Or the picture. I should have learned how to talk about myself soon, man. I was giving out the wrong vibe.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:07

So piggybagging off of kind of what chaos just said, that brings us to my, I'm gonna do this, the final one for this, when they say DL only.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:19

You were dealing with some internal homophobia, and I will stand 10 toes down on that.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:24

Facts. But I I don't believe that I have to, I don't believe in forcing anybody out the closet before they are ready. That is your own personal thing. But I like there are a lot, and I understand. Like sometimes with BNDL, like there is a a sometimes it's a matter of safety. And I know a lot of people that are out in the road will say to the blue in the face that like it's it's safe out here. Not for everybody, not for everybody, and not everywhere. So I get it, but you don't get the right to drag other people through your shit before you get ready. You do need to figure that out.

SPEAKER_09 1:02:03

DL only. I you know, especially being on the app, if you're on the app and DL, uh I just I don't know. I just I don't feel like you are as much as you think you are, as much as you're trying to hide. Someone knows something. Um but the but for that to be on a profile, because I don't know too many other DLs that look for other DL people.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:32

That's what I was about to say. Like, there are other DL people. Like, stop hitting up people with pictures and shit and then expecting them to hide.

SPEAKER_09 1:02:39

Right. And it's like it's not it's not fair. Uh but it's it's hard to say is it a rent? I mean, I that kind of go back to I mean, if you prefer, because you you know, you get some people who are out and they prefer only DL people. So I mean, I guess it depends on who says it. I mean, if you got that that profile that ain't got no picture and they say DL only, all right. I don't know how y'all gonna meet each other.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:06

Y'all don't want to know no what somebody gotta get but then you got like how's how's that gonna work?

SPEAKER_07 1:03:14

Look, they're gonna look they're gonna walk up to each other and be like, Marco, hello. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_09 1:03:22

We good then. So it's I don't know, it's just I guess it depends on where is where this you gotta set the scene on the DL only.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:32

I want to jump up this real quick, and then yeah, then I guess we can move on to that's what we're doing. Um, I also think when someone writes DL only, I think they are also pertaining or they're thinking about men that uh present themselves I guess more as like straight. And we have people like that in the community. And so I think sometimes maybe, maybe it's that, but then also I think there are people that are out that kind of get off on that uh, you know, that oh well he on the down low, don't nobody know about him. It's just it's just me that knows about him and we sneak around, da-da-da-da. But then also, maybe maybe you need to go to some therapy because ain't no way in hell I'm excited about dealing with somebody that's gonna keep me a secret, and I gotta sneak around, we gotta do all this extra shit just so we can hang out. I it's not for me.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:24

Alright.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:26

Okay, before can I ask something else? Sorry, just really quick. So does it does it trip anybody out worse when it applies to friendship too? Because I've had some DL friends that are like, oh, don't make sure you don't let anybody like why? I'm not fucking you, nor do I have any intention. So why do I have to pretend just to be your friend?

SPEAKER_04 1:04:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 1:04:47

Every DL person I ever dealt with, we all we was fucking flying.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:00

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:01

Was I not prefer to say that on that note, you guys, we are going to we're not we're not done talking about this because I have a couple more biophases I want to ask them about, but we are going to end this and just leave you guys on a cliffhanger so that you can tune in for part two. Because we are definitely gonna go more into this. Like I said, I have a couple more biophases I want to ask the group and get their views on, but we are going to leave you guys just just just wondering just a little bit. It won't be for very long. We're definitely gonna come back, we're gonna cover the rest of it. We have a lot more to cover, I promise you that. But for right now, we're just gonna stop there, and that will conclude part one of dating as a queer black person.